Journey to Adulthood (To download this document in Microsoft Word format click on the above link) Final Thoughts As you begin The Journey to Adulthood in your church, the most important thing to remember is that this is a process-oriented, relational ministry. Working with young people is similar to working with adults in that there is so much to teach and to learn, so many moments of grace available to us because of the loving presence of Jesus in our midst. Laughter and tears, recognition and growth are possible for all of us all the time. However, working with teenagers requires and provides a few unique possibilities. Given half a chance, they will ask the hard questions of faith, they will challenge authority in search of the truth, they will resist anything and everything that they deem to be inauthentic. They will ask of their adult leaders a level of honesty and forthcoming dialogue which are seldom demanded in adult-to-adult relationships. All of these concerns can be frightening and overwhelming to adult leaders. But again, as always, Jesus and his relationship to parents, teachers, friends, and enemies is our guide. In the life and example of Jesus Christ, we can see the pattern for hanging in there, working through conflict, listening closely to questions and answers, seeing that nothing is out of bounds for faithful and honest discussion. Jesus patiently endured the questions of his disciples even when the questions might have seemed erroneous and even disrespectful. In the Journey to Adulthood program we determine to be available to our young people in the ways that we are able. With God's help, we will listen with our hearts, we will love them, we will tell the truth, struggle with them, challenge and be challenged by them. If we are seeking the Christ, together we will all find him, in new and exciting ways. With God's grace, we will find him in ways that we can understand together and which deepen all of our lives of faith. The Journey to Adulthood is just that: a journey for all who participate. It has its ups and downs, its difficult and smooth terrain. It is not a journey in which we might measure success by the numbers in our group, or the distances traveled in miles, or how many times we have fun, or even how many service projects we undertake. Rather it is a journey into the mysteries of God. It is a journey into the loving and protective grace of God. As we faithfully embark on this journey, we do so knowing that God will meet us in the work. We can take the first steps of this journey knowing that when two or three are gathered in the sweet name of Jesus, he will be there to accompany them. As leaders, clergy, parents, and young people join hands-each bringing their need and their desire, their knowledge and their ignorance, their faith and their lack of faith, their willingness or their unwillingness-when we join hands in the name of Jesus Christ, we can stand confident in the promises of God. We can get brave in the face of this difficult time in life and in the world at large. We can, and we must, bring our young people through the time of their youth and into the adult community where they may be faithful stewards of the gifts and commandments of God. Lord of all power and might, the author and giver of all good things: Graft in our hearts the love of your Name; increase in us true religion; nourish us with all goodness; and bring forth in us the fruit of good works; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. Proper 17, The Book of Common Prayer, p. 233 FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions) This looks like a really great program and we'd love to implement it. How do we prepare the congregation? We recommend that you have congregation-wide teaching forums conducted by the clergy and the Christian Education staff. This will have a great impact on the community. In these forums the following points need to be stressed: 1. Clergy endorsement and support is essential. The clergy, especially the primary clergyperson, must be seen by the congregation as being fully supportive of the program. 2. The single most powerful impetus for the changes required to implement this program is the modern-day concept of Confirmation as an "exit ritual." The Episcopal Church is trying to redefine the role and the requirements of Confirmation, in the hopes that our young people will remain in the congregation until college or leaving home to enter the work world calls them away. Journey to Adulthood does just that. Delaying Confirmation helps to facilitate this, as well as fulfill the description of Confirmation as a "mature affirmation�of faith." At St. Philip's, Durham, NC, where the program originated, the parish had a two-year moratorium on confirming kids who were still in this program. The only exception that was made was for several Liberian families who had recently come to this country and to this parish. Exceptions should be rare, and at the discretion of the clergy. 3. Stress the underlying principles. "Gender as a gift from God" and "Skills for adulthood" are such empowering concepts that you should have little trouble convincing any community to embrace this program. Adults recognize that there are skills to be learned. Kids are eager for help in coping and succeeding. 4. The program works. It has been tested and refined at St. Philip's for many years and is being used in hundred of congregations, and we know it has been successful. Attendance at group sessions has been high. Those who have been through the program are regular in their church attendance and are involved in various church activities. Far from there being a drop-off following Confirmation, we have seen quite the reverse. 5. Remember, finally, that this program is basically about love. Love the kids. Love each other. Love the program. Love God. Let the whole community join in this act of love. How do I know this program will work in my church? Won't we have to adapt it in some way? The central concepts-Self, Spirituality, Society, and Sexuality-are powerful and allow for a great deal of flexibility. Some details may need adaptation and the program encourages that, but the central concepts are solid. They have been tested in the crucible of the church environment, and they have worked. The on-going work of development inside your particular congregation will probably mirror the process we went through. Use what we have written as a resource, which is what it is intended to be; it was not handed down to us on Mount Sinai. It will guide you in the process. There is always the temptation to "re-invent the wheel." We encourage you to consider the wheel which we are giving you in this program to be a thing which is well-worn and well-loved. You may want to add some things and to subtract others, but the core remains constant. This program we offer you is the product of many, many hours of work, prayer and reflection and, we believe, worthy of your trust. We'd love to implement this program in our church, but some members don't believe it will work in our case. What do we do? There are always people who are cautious, can see the negatives or are nay-sayers. Talk to them. Explain the principles. Tell them that it has been tested for over fourteen years at the congregational level and that it works. Let them know that it has made a difference here at St. Philip's and that it will make a difference there. Even more importantly, listen to them. Ask what concerns they have. Honor their concerns as legitimate and see the conversation as a way to learn. Invite them to think with you about ways those concerns might be addressed. Remind them that there is a great deal of flexibility in the program-if you as a congregation decide to handle a particular lesson plan differently that is not only "all right": it is encouraged and expected. If you still can't convince them, don't invest excessive time or energy. Do your best to move ahead and get the program up and running. Once people see that it works, doubters often change into passionate advocates. Should the church offer an alternative program for those who can't "buy into" this program? No. At St. Philip's, we have not found it necessary to offer an alternative program. The parish is committed to the program and so are the participants. We experience sick kids weeping because they could not come to class on Sundays and others who drag their reluctant parents to church so that they will not miss class! (In one of our classes which had an enrollment of eighteen, the average Sunday attendance over a three-month period was fifteen.) Our Sunday morning classes are designed much like any other ordinary Church School classes. As such, they stand on their own. With the addition of the Sunday afternoon experiences, there is a great deal of flexibility built into the program. Kids can choose whether they wish to attend all the activities, only the Sunday morning classes, or, very rarely, only the Sunday afternoon and weekend activities. There is one point where this flexibility breaks down and that is the last six weeks of the J2A class. These last six weeks are a sort of wrap-up for Confirmation, and we do require 100% attendance as a sign of good faith and intent. For families and kids desiring Confirmation, this is not a problem. Also, reluctance to attend may be a sign of real concern or confusion over the decision to be confirmed. It may be the only signal the leader will receive. As an aside, we would note that the young people who elected not to be confirmed nevertheless attended every class. We really want to get this program implemented in our church as soon as possible. Should we begin both a Rite-13 and a J2A program at the same time? We feel it would be best to begin at the beginning. The Rite-13 materials lay a sure foundation for the work of J2A. It takes time to give young people a solid understanding of the Church as a safe haven and to secure their appreciation and acceptance of their gender as a free gift from the Creator. Rushing into the hard work of teaching the skills of adulthood without the assurance of the gift of gender is a great temptation. While we acknowledge the benefits of working on adult skills, we also recognize the dangers inherent in taking on too much too soon. Having said that, we also recognize that many congregations have started the program with both groups simultaneously and we have developed weekend retreat designs to facilitate that (see Coordinator's Manual). Where do we find a Coordinator who can teach the whole thing? You don't. The Coordinator is just that: a person who coordinates the program. Remember the adage that "it takes a whole village to raise one child"? The church is the village. Use its skills. There are three levels of involvement: Leaders, Parents and Resource Teams. We cover the duties and the training of the leaders in the section entitled "Guidelines for Recruiting and Training Leaders." We refer you to that section for the details. The parents get the kids to the activities on time and pick them up on time. Also, they provide snacks and other foodstuffs and once in a while, a beach house or mountain cabin! Consider forming four Resource Teams-Self, Spirituality, Society and Sexuality. The individual members are trained in the basic concepts of the program and given the task of providing extra support and program ideas and leadership for both Rite-13 and J2A. Ideally, there are six to eight persons on each team in a larger congregation; two or three in a smaller congregation. They would meet once to plan activities and calendars for the upcoming year. Then each individual might do only one or two "events" with the kids each year. This is a workable level of commitment for a lot of busy, talented people. Plus, it shows the kids the rich diversity of the church community. Form ad hoc Resource Teams as necessary. At St. Philip's, we identified death and dying, especially in relation to teenage suicide, as a topic that had to be addressed both in Rite-13 and J2A. We identified several church members-social workers, psychologists, schoolteachers, and counselors-with expertise in this area. We brought them together and, with their aid, identified and developed some resources for this. Despite the litany of "ideal qualifications" for leaders, the truth is that any dynamic and energetic person can do this work. Leaders, above all, need to be people who can sustain their commitment and who can always be present to the young people. They need to be honest. They need to love God. Remember, too, given the support of the clergy and the Resource Teams, this is a fun task. Finally, we recommend that you establish and maintain some sort of Steering Committee. This is another way you can support and sustain your leaders. It can be overwhelming to work so intensively with so many young people, and some sort of mechanism needs to be in place to provide encouragement and to act as a sounding board as well as providing a framework for checking on how the program is going. After all, someone needs to be asking: "Are we still on track?" I would like to be a leader in one of these groups. I'm ready to make the time commitment, but I'm not sure I'm religious enough. I have so many questions of my own about God-how can I pretend to lead young people to adult faith? First, don't pretend. No one has all the answers. This is a team effort. God joins us in the task and consistently reveals himself through our interactions, particularly when we are filled to the brim with questions. The vast majority of the program is an exploration-a long journey on which we watch, listen, share ourselves, and learn together of the mysteries of God incarnate. Think of it as a long bus tour on which you are the driver. The written materials are the road map, the directions; you will be blessed as you explore this new land. The most compelling thing in the world is a real person engaged in real life and faith: searching, struggling, seeking to find the Christ. If you have a heart and a mind for this work, and if you can imagine spending time with young people, sharing your strengths and your weaknesses with them, then we encourage you to "go for it." Remember that if you start with certainties, you will end with doubts; but if you start with doubts, you will end with certainties. As we promise the new members of J2A: "If you are seeking the Christ, together we will find him." How do you really get this program started in a church? After all, you have to bring two Church School classes together to form the first Rite-13 group. How do you manage this? At St. Philip's, we start a new Rite-13 program every two years. The participants are eligible for Rite-13 if their thirteenth birthday falls some time within the two years of the program. Those too young for the program go into an "Inquirers' Class" which studies the curriculum used by the rest of the Church School. Those who are older would go into the J2A or the YAC group, depending on their age. We are strict on this point as our experience tells us that compromises serve neither the kids, the leaders or the parents. In terms of bringing together two classes that have not previously studied together in Rite-13, we lay great stress in the first couple of months on forming the group into a community. Once the community has been formed, real teaching can begin. Remember that all transitions are difficult, but, provided the congregation is prepared, as a core of people become committed to the program, they will help you through the rough times. You mentioned that "forming community" is an important first task. How can you tell when you have achieved this community? The Christian community is welcoming, loving, and, above all, kind. The welcoming community helps us avoid the perils of cliques and popularity contests. Love is demonstrated when the group is able to lift up and affirm the gifts of the least popular member. The kindness of the community is manifested when the members listen to and respect each other even when they do not agree. Participants who attend regularly and are anxious to come to the group activities and Sunday morning classes also demonstrate the successful formation of community. How do you bring newcomers to the congregation into one of the groups-Rite -13 or J2A or YAC? Doesn't the group eventually become so tightly knit that a newcomer has a tough job breaking in? "Welcoming the stranger" is one of the hallmarks of the Christian, and one of our Lord's expectations. Accordingly, we welcome newcomers in right away. There is no need to have a waiting period of any kind. The group, like the Church itself, must always welcome the stranger. Our experience at St. Philip's has taught us that our youth program draws new families in each year. We welcome this growth and the challenge to us to integrate these new personalities into the group. The primary responsibility for welcoming belongs to the young people. They must and should be encouraged, and if necessary taught, to reach out to, to listen to, and to welcome the newcomer. Parenthetically, we find that participants will often bring a young friend or a relative to class. This provides a stellar opportunity for practicing the art of "welcoming the stranger." What happens if a newcomer joins the J2A group? Do you give them a Rite-13 ceremony? We encourage late-comers to celebrate a Rite-13. The young people themselves taught us this lesson. They wanted to do it and we let them. The Rite-13 ceremony is an important rite of passage. It defines the moment of transformation from childhood to youth. On the other hand, we do not insist on it. The celebration of Rite-13 is not an initiation ceremony. All liturgies are the works and demonstrations of the individuals participating in them. We make the suggestion, and we recommend it to parents, but we do not insist. How do you manage busy schedules?So many young people are involved insports and other extra-curricular activities. How do you keep them coming? First, you set up your schedule for a minimum of three to four months at a time and try to stick to it. Some group leaders set up the whole year's schedule in advance. At the first meeting, it is wise to ask for a school calendar and sports schedules so that you can do your best to minimize scheduling conflicts. Second, ask the parents to make a commitment to get their sons and daughters to the meetings. The first six months are critical, and we ask the adults to facilitate high attendance. After this, we have found that group dynamics take over. The young people want to see their friends, and they don't want to miss what's next in the work we are doing together. Finally, do your best to give the program a high profile in the congregation. Let everyone know that this is important. Publicize. Have a bulletin board laden with Rite-13 and J2A pictures. Regular announcements in the church newsletter and up-beat conversation about what's been happening in the groups probably do more to draw the kids in than anything else. Celebrate your work. How do you deal with kids and parents who won't honor their commitment to the program? Do you ask them to leave? We try very hard to define our expectations in our initial meeting with the young people and their parents. We emphasize that Sunday morning is an important time together, not only because of community formation within the group but also because of the Eucharist and the opportunity to worship and pray together. We ask the young people to do their very best to be present at every meeting, morning and afternoon, and to communicate with the leaders when they will be absent. When a young person is missing for more than one or two meetings, then we take action which varies according to the age group they are in. In Rite-13, one of the leaders contacts the parents to see what the issue is and how it may be resolved. In J2A, we tend to ask one of the participants to seek out the one who is missing. The parallel between this behavior and Jesus' story about the shepherd and the sheep is obvious. The leader may be the obvious person to go after the missing "sheep," but the kids need to model the behavior of the Christ to one another. They may not be able to recognize that this is what they are doing, but it counts nonetheless. When one of the participants in J2A has been away for what seems like "too long," then the leaders are the ones who, as in Rite-13, contact the family. Often absence from the program is the only cry for help a leader will receive. There are probably reasons for the absence which may need to be heard by the leader. Sometimes it's just crazy schedules or perhaps a family broken by divorce in which communication has broken down and the young people get lost in the shuffle. Other times there may be hard feelings or hurts that need to be dealt with. As much as we are humanly able, we should not let someone slip away because of hurt or anger. Jesus Christ is the model for us in this-he welcomes all of us in. Under what circumstances would you ask a participant to leave the program? There are very few of these-and lack of attendance isn't one of them. Certainly violence or overly aggressive behavior or undue use of bad language would be contributory factors. There are also other seriously self-destructive or group-destructive behaviors that should not be tolerated. In the eight years of our experience with the program at St. Philip's, we have not asked any participant to leave. Moreover, we feel strongly that this decision should be reached only after prolonged discussion with the parents and the participant, and with the involvement of the primary clergyperson. Don't the kids drop out of the program once they've been confirmed? Absolutely not! One of the encouraging things about this program is the regular attendance on Sundays and the full participation in the church of the young people in the YAC program. We attribute this to the strong group formation in Rite-13 and J2A. We encourage the YACs to design their own Sunday morning program and to set up their afternoon programs as well. At St. Philip's, the Youth Group has historically met for a weekly dinner-a sort of pot luck-and a discussion circle with the occasional guest. It is our goal to encourage the YACs to design a more service-oriented program in the future, but our hopes are tempered by our desire to make the Church a safe haven for these young people. We do not want to make it a place where they have to work in order to feel welcome. We'd rather they hang around the kitchen on a Sunday night than stop coming because new expectations were placed on them. In this time and place a sense of community and fellowship is of paramount importance to young people. In time, this safe haven will empower the young people to reach out and to serve. Facilitating that is our number-one priority. What happens if one of the members of the J2A group decides not to be confirmed? Don't you worry that peer pressure will force the Confirmation decision on someone who's simply not ready? In our program at St. Philip's, at least one of the kids in each group has decided not to be confirmed. Hats off to them! It is not easy to swim against the stream; but, simply stated, they were not sure and were brave enough to say so. The program is not solely a preparation for Confirmation. Nothing about the program is so "Confirmation-specific" that the participants have not benefited from the lessons and the group meetings. In fact, we believe that the participants are really enriched by their exposure to the ideas and the requirements of Confirmation. In the case of those who elect not to be confirmed with their peers, however, we suggest that, when they do seek Confirmation later on, they should attend Confirmation classes with the adults who are preparing for this. Would you ever consider letting a YAC lead the Rite-13 group? Absolutely not. They are only "young adults" after all. The responsibility is enormous and time-consuming. Plus, the age difference (only five years or so) seems problematic to us. It seems to us that this would be asking for problems in the discipline or romantic areas. The Rite-13 and J2A really need mature adults to manage the group dynamics and to teach the curriculum and lead the program. On the other hand, YACs can be used from time to time as mentors or counselors, especially on weekend activities. Make sure, though, that there is adequate adult supervision. What about Church School? Would you let a YAC teach pre-school or first or second grade? Yes. In most churches, the addition of a few more energetic and enthusiastic Church School teachers would be a great gift. We would let them team-teach with another adult, and we would use them as substitute teachers as needed. But remember, these young adults will be expecting to be treated as young adults. Selecting their partner carefully would be crucial for success. Don't you worry that, by placing so much emphasis on gender equity,you run the risk of creating "gender neutral" or "neutered" young people? I want my son to be a real man! We want our young people-our sons and daughters-to be real men and women, too. The Journey to Adulthood program is not designed to make "sensitive 'touchy-feely' religious converts." Our goals are simple. We want to enable people to live responsible, adult lives, hallmarked by joyful play, hard work, celebration, and service. High energy shining through a loving life is what makes an adult successful, appealing, and powerful. The program is designed to help young men and women tap into their own creative energies and, through the filter of their emerging personalities, shine brightly in the world. St. Irenaeus once observed that "the glory of God is a human being, fully alive." Certainly, we want our young men and women to be thoughtful and sensitive; but we also want them to be wise, strong, healthy, courageous, and fully alive in their unique place in history. Freeing them from the manipulation of gender stereotyping and engaging them in the marvelous work of assuming new levels of responsibility in their personal lives and in the world help accomplish this. What does the curriculum have to say about the sanctity of marriage and the problem of young people having sex outside of marriage? Why don't you teach abstinence? This is probably the most frequently asked question! One of the goals of our curriculum is to empower young people to be faithful and loyal partners in life-long relationships. Marriage, as a covenantal relationship between two adults and as a living example of God's promise to be faithful to his Church, is always held with due regard. Faithfulness within the context of Holy Matrimony is a goal which the Church holds before us and which we support wholeheartedly. Having said that, the curriculum focuses its energy on responsible decision making and ministry to young people. We also hope to be honest with young people, loving them where they are in their lives. The fact of the matter is that regardless of our desire for young people to wait to be sexually intimate until they are within the confines of that level of committed passion and dedication, many will not. One recent survey reports that half of all fifteen-year-old females in America today are sexually active. In every dialogue we have had with young people on the subject of sexual activity outside of marriage, there is great confusion and an implicit request for help in understanding the nature of human sexuality. In order to be responsible to the call we feel to train and love young people, the curriculum engages them in questions concerning faithfulness, monogamy, loyalty, safety and preparing oneself to take on the consequences of one's choices. By training young people in skills of active listening, negotiation and assertion, while valuing the sacredness of the body and the sacramental nature of sexual intimacy (If you do it, God will be present), we hope to change the discussion from Do it/ Don't do it, to How does one determine what constitutes an intimate and holy relationship between sexual partners? How do we learn to live according to the values which God intends for his people? There is never any question that we want them to wait, never to use sexual intimacy as a means to get to know someone or even as a means to find the touch and closeness which temporarily comforts some of their loneliness. Rather, we hold out sexuality as one of the amazing and life-giving gifts of God to his children. We maintain that it is so holy and so precious a source of life and joy that it ought to receive our careful attention. Even though young people may receive the basics of "sex education" in schools: a litany of diseases to be feared, how to use a condom, how to avoid illness and date rape; there is so much more that is needed, and the Church has been painfully silent on the basics of love and intimacy. It is true that there is no lesson plan on the importance of abstinence. Rather, there are a series of discussions and lessons designed to open the discussion. Individual youth leaders are encouraged to express their longing for young people to be patient, delay gratification and be faithful to God. The lesson plans on sexuality to are not the beginning and end of the discussion. We encourage congregations, youth leaders and priests to use those lesson plans which they feel are appropriate for their young people as catalysts for an ongoing discussion of the holiness and sanctity of all God's gifts to us, and as a springboard for continued discussion of responsibility and faithful stewardship of the lives we've been given. What about the adults in the church community? They could benefit from these skills you are teaching to the young people, couldn't they? Of course! The problem is finding a focus for the work. We recommend that you begin with the young people. If, in time (especially after the first J2A class has completed its two years and its leaders are "on vacation"), there is sufficient interest in the program, perhaps a weekend retreat could be arranged. Alternatively, the adults could be exposed to six or eight lesson plans during the Adult Forum times. Remember, though, that the program is designed for youth. We have no idea how adults would take to being told to walk a labyrinth of their own creation or play "Capture the Flag" or go on an urban scavenger hunt! The results of one of these exercises might be interesting to all concerned, though. Publisher's Note: In response to continuing requests for some kind of parallel program for adults, the authors have developed an adult companion program-called The Adult Journey. Year One, "Journey as Story," and Year Two, "Journey as Community," are available now. Year Three, "Journey as Eucharist," is planned for release in late 1999. Call LeaderResources for further information (  800-941-2218  800-941-2218 ).